I have just finished reading the entire transcript from Marco Rubio’s “speech” at CPAC (or as I think of it, the “Conservative Performing Artist Convention”) and let me tell you, it was painful. I’ve picked out several parts below that weren’t in the first post, but for those who don’t care to read my summary, the headline up there covers the general theme. It’s “Opposite Day!”
If you’re a glutton for punishment, you can read the transcript for yourself here. Otherwise, come with me while I dive into faux-conservative and snake oil fantasy land.
The first nine paragraphs are mostly groveling over Jim DeMint, who shed a tear or two after referring to Rubio as a “treasure.” (See earlier post.) Then a long detailed story of growing up Rubio.
Then we move into the nuts and bolts of the speech (accent on the nuts, with an added twist to the same old bolts), and again I’ve cut out the main points and added my two cents (which may, or may not be worth two cents, but I blog without pay, so there you go) in bold:
…There’s never been a nation like the United States, ever. It begins with the principles of our founding documents, principles that recognize that our rights come from God, not from our government — principles that recognize that because all of us are equal in the eyes of our creator, all life is sacred at every stage of life. (No comment here. Interpret amongst yourselves.)
Yeah. These principles embody the commitment to individual liberty which has made us the freest people in history. They also made possible our free-enterprise economy, which has made us the most prosperous people in history. (Really? I missed the “free-enterprise” lesson in Sunday School?) The result is an America where — which is the only place in the world where it doesn’t matter who your parents were or where you came from. (The only place. Really? Did not know that.) You can be anything you are willing to work hard to be. The result is (OK Tea Baggers, pay attention. This is where you come in.) the only economy in the world where poor people (the little guys) with a better idea and a strong work ethic (will work for food, no benefits) can compete (Oppressed, ripped off and taken advantage of) and succeed against rich people (Republicans, conservatives, elected officials, or we the CPAC speakers) in the marketplace (Your future corporate overlords, courtesy of SCOTUS) and competition. (Competition! Ha ha, good one, high five!) And the result is the most reliable defender of freedom in the history of the world. (Huh? Marco…did Palin write this for you?)
…They (They. Who does he mean…?) think that we need a guardian class in American government to protect us from ourselves. They (Oh, he means our socialist, black President, doesn’t he? I get it. Or as the Tea Baggers know him, the guy they put on their “Hitler” posters. ) think that the free-enterprise system is unfair, (Yes, that fantastic Bush installed “free-enterprise system”) that a few people make a lot of money, (Bush family, Cheney family, cronies of Bush and Cheney families) and the rest of us get left behind. (We sure do!) They believe that the only way business can make its money is by exploiting its workers and its customers. (Bait and switch alert! He really means the last Administration, oh gullible ticket holders.) And they think that America’s enemies exist because of something America did to earn their enmity. (Oh boy, I’m getting that “putting my head in a blender” feeling again, like when Palin talks. I’ve said it before, they could be siblings…)
Now, the problem is that in 2008 leaders with this worldview won elections. (Yes Marco, the key word here is: w-o-n.) And now they know (check the approval ratings) that the American people will never support their vision of America. (Again, we e-l-e-c-t-e-d him for his vision, which we share.) So, instead, over the last 12 months they have used a severe economic downturn, a severe recession as an excuse to implement the statist policies (ooh, big words) that they have longed for all this time. (Yeah! Obama was just biding his time waiting for someone like Bush to come along, nearly destroy the country and the economy so that he could have all that fun trying to put it back together. Good times! You figured it out! Why, it’s a “vast left-wing conspiracy!) In essence, they are using this downturn as cover not to fix America (Uh, no that would be your “Party Of No” actually doing that.) but to try to change America to fundamentally redefine the role of government in our lives and the role of America in the world. (Who elected the black man?)
…First, we have to understand what’s happening. Leaders at the highest levels of our government are undertaking a deliberate and systematic effort to redefine our government, our economy and our country. (No, actually that was President Cheney and his sidekick Bush. It’s what’s referred to as the “The Shock Doctrine,” or as Bush called it “Shockandawe! Heh, heh.”) Now, people, as I said, all across America figured this out over a year ago, and they didn’t wait for their senator or for their congressman to do something about it. They did it themselves. (Yes, we got rid of them and elected Obama.) They have taken matters into their own hands, from tea parties to the election in Massachusetts.
From tea parties to the election in Massachusetts, we are witnessing the single greatest political pushback in American history. (Prejudicial fears we can take advantage of!) Now, the political class tries to make sense of all of this, but they can’t, because never has the political class or the mainstream media that covers them been more out of touch with the American people than they are today. You see, 2010 is not just a choice between Republicans and Democrats. It’s not just a choice between liberals and conservatives. 2010 is a referendum on the very identity of our nation. (“You there with that black, socialist, Hitler-guy sign, he’s talking to you! C’mon, join the GOP, you can be one of us!)
Now, look, it’s true, (Whenever someone says this, it’s not true) Americans do want leaders that will come to Washington, D.C. and work together to get things done, but that comes with a very important caveat, it depends what they’re trying to do. If they’re working to lower tax rates, simplify the tax code, they want us to work together. If they’re working to get control of a runaway of a federal debt and annual deficits, they want us to work together. (Give us tax cuts for the rich, and no one gets hurt!)
If they’re working to defeat radical Islam and the threat that it poses through terrorism, they want us to work together. (Wrong again, Obama’s doing pretty well in that department without your help. That’s why Voldemort Cheney keeps popping up everywhere.)
However, however, if the goal is to abandon America’s free enterprise economy, if the goal is to convert America into a submissive member of the international community, if the goal is not to fix America, but to change America, then they want leaders that are going to come up here and fight it every step of the way. (Nothing new here, just more of the same GOP talking points. Yawn.)
…jobs aren’t created by politicians; (especially when the party of NO obstructs a jobs bill, or a stimulus bill) they’re created by people who are willing to use their money to start a business or expand an existing one. (If they HAD any money.)
So here are a few measures that I think will help set change or send that signal. (Nope, sorry. Same GOP basics.) Let’s reform the tax code and reduce tax rates across the board.
Let’s eliminate double taxation by abolishing the taxes on capital gains, on dividends, on interest. And while we’re at it, let’s eliminate the one on death, too.
Let’s significantly lower the corporate tax rates so that once again it’s competitive with the rest of the world.
Let’s stop big government energy mandates like cap-and-trade, and instead trust the American innovator to make us energy independent.
…let’s make a series of simple changes that puts the consumer in charge of health-care spending in America. And while we’re at it, let’s try some lawsuit abuse reform, as well. (I’m sorry, I dozed off. Did I miss the “new ideas” part?)
…there is no greater risk to this country than the risk posed by radical Islamic terrorists. (Still fantasizing that an “R” automatically earns you anti-terrorist cred. Nope.)
…These terrorists aren’t trying to kill us because we offended them. (Does he mean like stepped on a toe? Called someone’s mother a hamster?)
Fear did not lead us to abandon our liberty. (Actually, yes it did. It became the entire “GOP platform.” But you know that, because Cheney is one of the speakers coming up right after you, and he’s going to do it to the audience again when he speaks.)
That’s about it, I think we’re done here.
Did the “New Darling Of The Tea Party” dazzle the crowd? Did he succeed in firing up the crowd and laying the groundwork so the GOP can hijack the Tea Baggers? I doubt it. There’s really nothing new here, it’s the same old stuff. Rubio just seems to be reading the same speech that’s been given for years. If the crowd was really paying attention, they would see what we in Florida already know about Rubio. Very little substance, wrapped up in what some see as an attractive package.
Marco Rubio is kind of like that cliche his party likes to use:
“All hat and no cattle.”