It isn’t just the Democrats who need, or are probably getting a wake up call right about now after yesterday’s election. I think there are a lot of them to go around. So here, in my opinion, are a few more random wake up calls. Who knows, perhaps they’ll help prevent future post-election headaches.
Wake Up Call For The Republicans:
- (And this is my personal favorite) Today you’re probably sitting there on your imaginary pedestals and thinking that all of us Democrats, liberals and progressives are now going to just form a line, fold up our tents and go home, only to slit our wrists when we get there. NO. WE’RE NOT. The majority of us don’t give up that easily and you ain’t seen nothing yet, so enjoy that fantasy while it lasts.
For the voter who votes for a Republican believing that they will fix things right up, just like magic:
- NO MEANS NO. Or to put it another way: What part of “no” don’t you understand? The Republicans don’t have a plan. Seriously. If they did, don’t you think they would have presented it and saved you by now? The best plan they had was to sit around doing nothing more than planning how to get back in power so they could pillage the country again after the Democrats cleaned up the mess they made. But here’s the thing. What they fail to grasp is that Dubya messed things up so badly for eight years that there is no precedent for complete and utter Bushclusterf-ication of this magnitude. They are magical thinkers who seem to believe if they get that power back, they will merely blink twice, open their eyes and all will be better, shiny, and new. Uh…no. When they open their eyes, they will still have to dig around looking for that pony because Bushclusterf-ication takes a lot more than eight years to clean up. Most sane people realize that. THEY DON’T. THEY ARE STUPID. THEY HAVE NO PONY FOR YOU, BUT EVEN IF THEY DID THEY WOULDN’T SHARE IT WITH YOU BECAUSE THEY ARE REPUBLICANS!
If you voted for the Republican version of Scott Brown because you’re still under the impression that Republicans are the “Party of Family Values”:
- That’s just adorable! Sadly though, you are quite naive, but you know that now because this morning you woke to find that you elected someone who POSED NUDE IN COSMO AND ALL BUT AUCTIONED HIS DAUGHTERS OFF TO, WELL….JUST ANYONE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION WHILE MAKING HIS VICTORY SPEECH! Because I sympathize and realize this is probably a lot to take in all at once, I suppose it’s probably best not to bring up the curling iron. Maybe later…
For “Tea Baggers”
- If you voted for the “Tea Party” version of Scott Brown because he owns a truck and therefore he must be just like you? Good for you! But I would venture to guess that his other truck is probably a Mercedes, Lexus, or something along those lines. Or he has a whole fleet of trucks of the luxury persuasion, the likes of which you could never dream to afford. But as I said, good for you! I’m afraid the only wake up call you will receive is this: YOU DRIVE A TRUCK.
- If you vote for a “Tea Party” candidate because, in addition to owning and loving your truck as much as your Mom, AND you don’t like to pay taxes, even better! You’ll need that truck because those roads won’t build themselves! (Please see the previous wake up call, in bold, above, and add the word: “CONGRATULATIONS!”)
- If you voted for the “Tea Party” side of Brown because he ran on the promise that “as God (or Cosmo) is my witness, I will protect you from evil affordable, Government run health care!” and you said “Don’t want none of that! Oh Yeah!” as you popped your ballot into that magic Diebold machine, well than I have a bonus wake up for you, because guess what? Thanks to your vote, your candidate now has FREE GOVERNMENT RUN HEALTH CARE ALL THANKS TO YOU! AND YOU GET THE BILL, ALONG WITH YOUR OWN, WHICH YOU’RE WORKING THOSE TWO JOBS TO PAY FOR, SO IT’S A WIN WIN! I’m sure he’ll be forever grateful.
- If your situation is identical to the voter above with the exception that you don’t have health insurance? Ooh, bummer. But look on the bright side: HE DOES!
These aren’t really tips or wake up calls, they’re just things I want to get off my chest.
For The “Pun-Ditz:”
- Chris Matthews, (oh where to begin?) and this has nothing to do with politics, but the former “Cheers” is the place “where everybody knows your name.” Since you were broadcasting from the very same last night, aren’t you just a bit ironically embarrassed that you didn’t know the name of the candidate when the cameras came on? You’ve been blithering about him for days as if he were your latest man crush without taking a breath, and the name B-R-O-W-N really isn’t all that tough. Chastising others for their Teleprompter use can come back to bite one, can’t it?
- Chris Matthews Part Two: About being “schooled” so brilliantly by Rachel Maddow last night: it’s best not to get into an intellectual discussion on a topic you only pretend to be an expert on unarmed. If I may borrow a term from Ms. Maddow, it exposes one as being “divorced from reality.” Stop embarrassing yourself. It’s not pretty to watch.
- I was thinking there were other “Pun-Ditz” to mention, but I only watched MSNBC last night, so Chris Matthews was about it since Joe and Mika aren’t “Ready For Prime Time Election Coverage” and weren’t there. Not to leave them out altogether, because let’s face it, those two are about as bad as it gets. But there’s enough material on them for an entire post all to themselves, so maybe another time…Thank goodness for Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann or MSNBC would be completely unwatchable!
And finally, there is one more wake up call that I’ve just got to mention. That would be the one Sarah Palin is probably pretty angry about today. Who knew there was another candidate out there who is just as attention grabbing and tacky, if not more so, than Caribou Barbie? Poor little Sarah is quite possibly eating the “trucks and guns” dust that Brown left behind in his rush to be crowned the “King Of The Tea Party” and she never even became “First Runner Up.” Of course she’ll still get that hefty speaking fee at the “Tea Party” rip-off conference, unless it’s followers find out what a rip-off it is before it’s to late for a refund. Oh well. Now clueless little Sarah is just yesterday’s news and she can’t “quit” her endorsement of Scott Brown. She’ll get to live with her new role as “has been” every time her coworkers on FOX drool while they talk about him with her nonstop. So to Sarah I say: MEET THE SHADOW OF YOUR 15 MINUTES IN THE LIMELIGHT….. Next?