So yesterday was the big day! Sarah Palin was pallin’ around with Oprah. If you’re like me and you were waiting for Oprah to just come right out and say:
“Hey Sarah, WTF?”
you would be sadly disappointed. The interview was pretty soft. The only thing missing was the “soft focus filter” on the camera that Barbara Walters always uses to make her interviewees and herself look all dreamy, which I’m sure they applied when Barbara interviewed Sarah this morning on ABC. I didn’t watch that one. I can only take so much of Sarah. Besides, I have a feeling that with Palin right now, one interview fits all. Not much has changed. All you really need to know about Sarah is simply this:
Sarah is right, and everyone else is wrong. Any questions?
However, if you’re still skeptical, or that simply isn’t enough for you, I can provide the “shorthand” version of Sarah Palin here.
The first question was, of course, about Oprah. After all, we have two egos here, and one of those egos trumps the other because the ego with her name on the show always wins. Take THAT, Sarah!
Q. How did Sarah feel about the assumption during the campaign that Oprah was snubbing Sarah by not inviting her on the show for an interview?
A. Sarah had no idea she was being snubbed because Oprah was not the center of Sarah’s universe….With all due respect.
Then it was just some chit chat. Sarah was not in the least bit shocked (like thinking humans) that she got the call and was picked to be the VP candidate. And no, she never entertained the idea that she wasn’t up for the job. She……..(stop me if you’ve heard this one before) “never blinked.” And by the way, “That John McCain is such a maverick for pickin’ me dontcha’ know?”
The vetting process? Why, the only skeleton she had in her closet was that she got a “D” in school once. (No mention of the pregnant daughter skeleton, the back in Alaska ethics skeletons, plural, nor the “Dang it, I just can’t tell the truth and lyin’ is like breathing for me skeleton,” just for starters.) This is the only thing that Palin, according to Palin, did wrong. And who, per chance, would we blame for the rest of the —-storm to follow? Can you guess? Give you a hint? OK:
It starts with “John” and ends with “McCain and his campaign staff, that’s who. Oh, and the haters and the critics, also too. Oh, and Obama.”
Let’s start with Obama, because his list of “wrong doings” was shorter.
First of all, that pesky business of him winning the election, that was a bummer.
Second, “He said his kids were off limits, hands off his kids! he said, and I wished that applied to mine too, but it didn’t.” Here Oprah politely pointed out that he was talking about Palin’s kids at the time. Caught in her “misinterpretation”, Palin said “well, maybe after….well later on he said this about her kids. But that first time………..”
The McCain and staff faults:
They ran with the daughter’s pregnancy announcement against her wishes. (Insert the haters and critics here who added to the problem. They know who they are, you betcha’.)
They made her go shopping, and she hates shopping! They told her how to dress, what to say, and what to eat. Well, maybe the picking of the clothes was OK because, did she mention that she hates to shop? So that was OK. But it wasn’t OK, because they made her and the family think they must really look bad if they had to pick new clothes, and they felt they were treated like hillbillies from Wasilla. (Here’s our first hint that Sarah has taken up reading. I believe the “hillbillies from Wasilla” was a direct quote out of the McCain post-game election review.)
The economy is why they lost, it wasn’t HER fault! (Pardon me, but I forgot to include “The Economy” along with McCain, Obama, haters and critics in the “at fault” list. I stand corrected.)
Katie Couric was mean to her, too perky and badgering. She asked questions, for goodness sake! She took clips, stuck them together, out of context! She had a partisan agenda, she interviewed Biden and he made mistakes, but she didn’t care about those! She only cared about Palin’s mistakes! She tried to trip her up and catch em’. When asked what books and newspapers she read, why was she asking? She was really asking “do you read?” Because everyone in Alaska is a Nomadic tribe of Neanderthals and how do they stay in touch up there? That’s the problem with journalists…….She was so annoying! “She asked me 12 times about abortion, morning after pill. But never paid attention to her first answer!” (Which was what??)
And speaking of abortion, back when she made that speech and said she considered just for a split second about having an abortion with her last child? “No she never considered it for herself (right-wing-nut-conservatives are you listening?) she only said she could understand why others might consider such a thing. But Pain herself? Nope. Not her!”
Levi? “We shouldn’t discuss him on television, but did you know he now calls himself “Ricky Hollywood?” No we don’t want to ruin the gig he’s got goin’ by talking about him on television….but he’s doing…porn….I call it porn, yes, and that’s the path he’s going down and I pray for Levi.” Then she goes on about all the lies he’s spreading, says he’s too busy with the porn career to see his child, never lived with them, but “I don’t want to discuss him, we’re not into the drama….” She continues “not discussing him” for a couple more minutes and ends with the now famous “non invitation to Thanksgiving.”
Why she quit her job? “So she could fight for Alaska and the country. So she could fight on another plane!” (Facebook??) “She just couldn’t do her job without ethics complaints being filed!” (Because she can’t work ethically.) Besides, I’m not quitting, I’m reloading!” (Everybody duck!)
Will she run for President? Not sayin.’
Talk show in her future? Not sayin.’
“God and Todd.”
Disclaimer: If this account seems disjointed and gives you a headache, it’s because Palin’s word version of “52 Pickup” is disjointed and is headache inducing. Please don’t reload and shoot the messenger!
Now I suppose it’s only a matter of time before Palin blasts the public with a new entry on her Facebook page all about how Oprah misinterpreted what she said, and denies saying what we heard her say with our own ears. It will never end…………..